An Oblique Oration

The Birth of Venus ( )

The “Overlady” through their eyes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My whole organism objects when I observe these obscenely obedient officers being all obsequious to their overlord, or rather their overlady. Them with their offending odours which are oppressive in the omnibus and occasional Oedipus worthy ogles at their mistress, and the mistress with her ostentation of her bodily ornaments, it’s obnoxious!

Not that I oppose the operation, of course, but I think the ordeal would be overcome easier if I could be onymous or at least have other agents on my side as I am not omnipresent and the information oozes from them slowly. Oh, how I long to obliterate them!

Although all my organs cry out at the outrage, I look outwardly ordinary to our opponents.

We will outmanoeuvre and ostracize them yet.

Olaf

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Necromancy

Belladonna (Atropa Belladonna) (Deadly Nightshade)

Belladonna (Atropa Belladonna) (Deadly Nightshade) (Photo credit: Plbmak)

Necromancy is the nefarious negotiation with the not natural or no longer alive. No one normal could ever nourish this nympholepsy of knowing what needs to be not known about the never ending night, but if some numbskull should think it nifty to natter with the deceased, he or she should be made negligible by nudging the nitwit with napalm or neurotoxin if necessary.

Anyone who does not do what needs to be done, shall be named a niddering and a nuisance, will have his or her nose nicked in a not nice way, and be asked to enjoy his or her newfangled nyctalopia induced by Deadly Nightshade.

Mutated Mice

Laboratory mice Location: Children's Hospital ...

Laboratory mice (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As much a megalomaniac as any master magician, the man mused that the meretricious musicians might be made to mute their monotonous music and assist him with his mutated mice.

Many of the mice had become mildewed and most were meandering beyond the moat.

The mildew could simply be merged with the mice; the meandering was more of a predicament.

Maybe a mesh of metal wires would be the best method of catching them. There might, however, still be mermaids left in the moat from the last time he meddled with the mythos tome, and mermaids might make matters more complicated.

Maybe they could be made more merciful if he presented them with merchandise?

A “Merry Mutated Mouse Mug” maybe?

Loyalty

Oryctolagus cuniculus

Oryctolagus cuniculus (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lethargic longears lounge on the lawn in Luna’s light, the Lord Leaf leading them in their languid leisure.

They look less alive after the laboratory. They left it last month. How long will the effects last, I wonder? Little Lovage has become lanky and the Lord Leaf lumpish.

Are these lackadaisical lads and ladies all that are left of the loving, laborious and limber companions that I lost?

What lunacy could let this lamentable lycanthropy change them? Alas, there is a large lacuna in my knowledge of the laboratory, and its labyrinthine corridors do not allow me to find the Lucifer who did it.

Were it not for my lisp I would loudly let them know that my loyalty is still strong.

But for how long I cannot tell.

The Khan

genghis-khan-green

Genghis Khan (source: planetforward.ca)

Since he came to the kindergarten kicking and screaming, the kernel of his being was a Khan. Of course, he could not get away with killing anyone, but he could call his kleptomania tribute and none of the other kids complained to the grown-ups.

Then one day, he kissed the Korean kid’s teddy Koala and said it was a girl. This made the Korean kid discover the kobold in his belly. At first it seemed like a crow combating a komodo dragon, but then the Korean kid found a kris and they turned into Kilkenny cats.

Kyrie eleison was sung over both their corpses in the church.

 

The Juggernaut

Juggernaut (comics)

Juggernaut (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Juggernaut’s jouncing jugular speaks its jargon clearly; this is no joke.

Juxtaposed with Jude like Jekyll and Hyde at the job interview, he was judged wanting, or rather he was just too much and all that jazz. His jealousy jolts his head towards Jude who is already at the junction, and jumps around the corner as he watches. In a jiffy he is after her, no time for jiggery-pokery.

Just as he reaches her and jerks her around, her legs seem to turn to jelly and she sits on the pavement jabbering gibberish at him. Then he realizes his juvenile behaviour and pretends it was all in jest.

‘Congratulations with the janitor job,’ he says before he leaves.

Reviews on Amazon

only front cover only c and f

 

I’ve just seen that my book Colours and fragments have received two reviews on amazon 🙂

They can be read here, and the first six pages can be read too.

A great big thank you to all of you for your support!

 

Idiosyncratic Idioms

pigeon holes

Broken items (Photo credit: sindesign)

 

When idle, he invents inefficient idiosyncratic idioms like: ‘ignorant iguanas are immune to ice cream’.

He is himself immune to ideas of improvement and in such cases imagines company more irksome than isolation. However, Isolation inexplicably inflames his ire and during such incidents much furniture is made irreparable. His hands thus imbued with the blood of the inventory, he inaudibly implores the idol on the inaccessible shelf above his bed for a new identity.

How he installed the idol there might incite curiosity, but he finds it impolite to imply that he is incapable of placing his own possessions anywhere in his room.

To you, he might seem inflated and inflexible, but as he says: ‘No one is infallible,’ and induction would lead one to believe that it is so.

Howling Hell Hounds

Hell Hound

Hell Hound (Photo credit: Lonnie’s Life)

Howling hell hounds at his heels. As he hurdles haphazardly in between the high trees,

his head too hot under his hair,

his lungs heaving for air;

his hopes have a hundred ways to fail.

Hacking has always weighed heavily in his habits. It hardly made him happy, but then, he reflected, habits seldom do. When he hewed through the hospital’s fortifications, he felt like Hercules. However, the horizon of heroics disappeared when he found that they had hoodwinked him and homed in on his home.

He had always hypothesized that people from the hospital where humanitarian, how was he to guess that they were the most hysterical human beings on the planet; humans who released the hounds to hunt down a humble humorist whose only hubris was his attempt to release them from the humdrum of their hopelessly boring homepage by adding a few unhygienic holocaust jokes.

A Grieving Gargoyle

English: Gargoyle at Château d'Amboise Deutsch...

Gargoyle at Château d’Amboise (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A gibbous moon greets his guttural grunts and gesticulations. Given the opportunity, he guzzles every penny on grammar text books and gobbles them up, but greedy as he is, he cannot grasp the pronunciation and gibberish is the result. The grief has made grooves in his gaunt face. He thinks his ganoid scales gaudy, and they grant him only gloom, so he covers them in grey garments.

As he was going away from the church and the Gregorian choirs the gendarmes gawked at him without giving him the slightest gist of how to behave, even a gypsies warning about the general public would have made him grateful.

Giddy, he gingerly crept out from the graveyard when the worst group mentality gave the impression to have run its course. Now he barely dares glance towards town from his green grove.

He gulps down the memories, wipes his grubby face with the back of a great, scaly hand and grinds through another chapter of grammar.

 

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