Performance Anxiety

(Credit: William Haefeli)

(Credit: William Haefeli)

It’s been a while.

It’s been a long while since I last posted something (before the brainstorm) and it’s been an even longer while since I reliable posted something for more than a month at a time. This time I fell into a dreaded writer’s block, or maybe it would be more accurate to call it a writing avoidance, since I haven’t been sitting in front of a blank page and pulling my hair out, but avoiding the page altogether. I don’t know why, but every time I thought about writing I felt a great aversion to even opening Word.

So the reason for the updating a brainstorm is twofold.

Firstly, it’s an idea I’ve had for a long time, but since I considered it “cheap” to some extent, I never used it before.

Secondly, because it was something I could actually make myself write.

I just wrote that I did not know why I had an aversion to Word, but that might have been a slight alteration of the truth. I actually am pretty certain that I had performance anxiety. I was just too worried that whatever I wrote wouldn’t be good enough. Letting myself publish a brainstorm helped me get past that anxiety; if it’s unedited it doesn’t have to be great. And I must admit that for me, this blog has always been more about making me write more than it has been about publishing great content (sorry guys). Of course I hope that anyone reading my stories will enjoy them, but if I get so obsessed with the thought of how they will be received that I stop writing them, then I’m doing everyone a disfavour.

I can’t make any promises, but I hope that Word will hold no or at least less terror for me now, so that I can get writing properly again.

I’m still interested in knowing whether you would like to see more brainstorms though.

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4 Comments

  1. Only you can judge yourself. Don’t put yourself under too much pressure of ‘performing’ well.

    Reply
  2. Love the ‘toon’ 😀
    I reckon sometimes ‘performance anxiety’ is actually ‘performance excitement’.

    Waaaay back in the day when I performed onstage with a band, before we’d go on, the other band members wound themselves up and called it stress, but being a newbie at the time I said I was just really excited. It was like a lightbulb turned on for them.

    Perhaps, culturally we’re not allowed/expected to get excited (I’m talking about the kind of innocent excitement kids express) when something ‘big’ is about to happen, so we put dampers on it … or something like that.

    Reply
    • Sometimes, I suppose. It sounds really nice, just being excited 🙂 I’ve never tried performance excitement though.
      I can be really excited when I’m going travelling or when I’m on my way to meet someone I care about. However, when it comes to exams or writing or anything else where I expect myself to perform really well without being sure whether I can, then I get anxious.

      Reply

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