A Zombie-Creating Zoril

Zombie Aid 2, Stop, Zombies!

Zombie Aid 2, Stop, Zombies! (Photo credit: purplemattfish)

She had a pet zoril and it made his fear zymotic diseases reach its zenith. No matter how much zeal she showed in making him at ease, he treated the zoril like it was a zeppelin filled with hydrogen or an unprotected wire which might zap him at any time.

He made “safe-zones” where it was not allowed and she exploited his high zest for zeugmas to try to sneak it in anyway. When he realized what she was doing, his lips first closed as if they were zipped together. Then, when she said there was zero reasons for him to fear the zoril so, he uttered a: “Zounds!” and said curses involving all the animals of the zodiac before warning her that unless she wanted to begin the zombie plague, she had better back off. At that she picked up her zoril and thrust it in his face.

It of course bit him at once and during the week following the incident, he did indeed turn into a zombie.

The Yeoman and the Youngster

The hay harvest

The family at the hay harvest (Photo credit: MuseumWales)

The yeoman yammered about his yellow yearlings, his scant yield and about how heavy a yoke Yahveh had given him to bear.

It only made the youngster yawn.

The yeoman yanked the youngster’s hair and yelled him in the face, before he slumped down and yammered on, only now it was about his youth and about how he yearned for yesteryear.

The yeoman told many a yarn to the youngster then of yahoos and yaks and Yorkshire men, a few were in Yiddish and those were the only ones the youngster did not suspect the yeoman of having woven himself.

A Xanthic X-ray Machine


The xanthic x-ray machine made him forget his Xanthippe at home. When he took x-rays of xiphoid objects xeno to the body they were in, he could dream of sailing his own xebec around the Mediterranean and finally learning to play “Happy Xmas” on the xylophone.

The Warden, the Wagoner and the Woman


Wallaby (Photo credit: wwarby)

The Wagoner preferred to walk and the Woman loved walks.

The Warden had wavy white hair and the Woman loved wavy hair, white or otherwise.

The Warden had wallabies and willow trees in his garden and the Woman watched them for hours as the world went by.

The Wagoner had the build of a warrior and his wallops could make anyone wan. The Woman worshipped his muscles.

The Warden warbled wondrous songs as he waded through the lakes during his duties.

When the Wagoner ran and leapt through the woods he never wheezed and seemed to waft over the undergrowth.

The Woman wished more than anything in the world to wed one of them, but worried that it might incite the wrath of the other, and she would feel wretched indeed if she started a war.

Had she witnessed the wedding plans the Wagoner and the Warden wrote down one evening in May, her worry would cease.

At least about the war.



Vagabond (Photo credit: Abhijith B.Rao)

He vacated vales and villages without valedictions, there was great variation in the vests he wore, but a vermillion coloured piece of vellum with a verse written on it in long vertical letters was his vademecum.

He valued it higher than venison or veal, very much more than the verdegris covered coppers in his pocket.

His veneration of the verse made his manners vitreous and they shattered if someone asked if he might one day venture forth without his verse. The enquiry made him first vow that he would never do so and then verbally vicious. More than one virtuous virgin was given the verdict: villain or was in other ways vivisected in his vigorous vexation.

What the verse contained he never volunteered to say.

An Umbra

English: Man riding giraffe unicycle

Man riding giraffe unicycle (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


The entertainment was all urchins on unicycles and useless university students uttering ugly ulcerous speeches as unimportant as the ullage of the flower vases.

But then our host’s uncle arrived at the party with an umbra and that our host took umbrage at.

Very much so in fact.

It made him unable to repress the urge of mentioning the unusual voluminousness of the uninvited guest’s “udder”. That was the word he used.

The ursine uncle did not let the utterance go unanswered and unconcerned with the consequences hinted that his nephew’s exam results might be undeserved.

An uppercut from the nephew was the result and a most undignified struggle ensued.

When the nephew proved the underdog and fell unconscious, the uncle was ushered from the room.

The big bosomed umbra stayed until dawn.

The Terrible Terrace

English: Panthera tigris sumatran subspecies. ...

English: Panthera tigris sumatran subspecies. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Their terrace is touched with the taint of their terrible taste. Tacky terracotta tigers tread between tiny tepees in the tulip boxes. These are tightly packed on the edge of the toffee coloured tiles which should only be found in toilets from twenty to thirty years ago and then only because people did not know better at the time.

Their thousand times enlarged game of tiddly-wink might tickle the fancy a trifle, but it would hardly tease forth tears if the terrace in its totality was terminated.

I’ve tried to tell them tons of times, but apparently to add to their lack of tact, they have trashed their telephone, and I don’t do telegraphs which seems to be the only other type of telecommunication they receive.

It seems that I just have to try to make my trees grow taller, before I am tempted to tear it all to shreds or worse tip off a tabloid.

A Sickly Sweet Smile

Grand Inquisitor Tomás de Torquemada

Grand Inquisitor Tomás de Torquemada (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Seeing her sang-froid during the sacrilege of the Sister’s Shrine started his suspicions that several things about her might be as serpentine as her curls. Alternatively, he speculated, the scene had shaken her sanity.

She might be scarred beyond salvaging, but to satisfy the Good Samaritan in him he had to search for signs which supported his suspicions before settling on a conclusion and if she was a sinner, he still had to save her soul.

So far, not a single solid fact had shown itself that could sever him from his indecision, but her sickly sweet smile sent shivers down his spine.

And that soon sapped his sorrow and sparked something stronger which strangled his senses and sent him into a frenzy.

The Queen and the Quack

English: The "Darnley Portrait" of E...

English: The “Darnley Portrait” of Elizabeth I of England. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After some comments from the querulous queen, the quack quipped that maybe they should dance their quadrille in the quagmire so as not to dirty her floor. The queen then questioned if the quack happened to have quilts enough to cover the quagmire completely or if he simply wished to be quenched in the silence of the bog and be granted a final quietus.

This made the quack quail and he quitted his queries.

The Person in the Palanquin

Pilgrimage of Korea[n] lady

Person in Palanquin (Photo credit: Cornell University Library)

As he carried a pail to the pagoda, he peered at a passing palanquin and wondered what palatable pleasures the person within would prefer. Potatoes were probably far from what a person with such perks and privileges could purchase.

People he met always postulated that every new day at the pagoda was pristine. That in its primitiveness the pagoda preserved a picturesque piece of history that he should be proud of. Also, the priests pontificated on behalf of the place practically every day. They were positive towards his silence, so he pretended to listen and pondered palindromes in his head.

If he could pick and choose, it would be easy as a pianola; he would not be the person in the pagoda.

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