37 Dog

My favourite pet would be a dragon. But I do not have a dragon, so I will write about the only pet I have.

Bacon.

Bacon looks very much like this.

Bacon.

This is Bacon. Bacon is a dog. He does not know his age because he does not know how to read a calendar, like I do. And he not as smart as me and therefore he cannot read a clock either like I can. So every time I go to school and tell him that I will be back by two o’clock in the afternoon, he just sits with his tongue lolling looking like Lickitung.

A dragon would fly me to school.  

Bacon is a coward as well. He NEVER chases the neighbor’s cat even though everyone knows that cats and dogs are mortal enemies.

If I had a dragon, it would roast the cat with its dragon fire and eat it whole.

And then Bacon is lazy. He will not even go up the stairs.

A dragon would be too big to get in the house, but if it had stairs big enough, it would run up them at the speed of light.

And that is why I wish for a dragon this Christmas.

‘Aren’t you a bit hard on Bacon,’ he asked after having read his son’s essay.

‘He doesn’t know what I wrote, and even if he did he wouldn’t understand, he’s too stupid.’

The father looked at the essay, then down at bacon and wondered when he stopped believing that animals could understand him.

‘Did you read the last line?’ asked his son.

‘Yes?’

‘I haven’t written any other wish list. It doesn’t have to be Smaug, but it has to be one that looks like.’

‘Smaug, from The Hobbit?’

His son nodded and the father considered if he should tell his son that Smaug died a long time ago and did not leave any children, or if he should just try to make his son believe that middle earth did not exist.

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The Mystery of the Missing Post

Me: Where did my post go?

Bacon (in his own dog-language): I’m sorry, I ea…

Me: What?

Bacon(might be called dog-latin): I eatedted it…

Me: How many times must I tell you? My posts are not for eat!

Bacon(wimpering): But nom?

Me: No nom! No eat! No!

 

As you can read above, Bacon ate my post, so that’s why there was no update yesterday. Also, I have suddenly fallen victim to amnesia, so I cannot just write it anew.

But on the bright side I can say that I have been very productive with respect to my new project. Yes, I have begun a new novel and have come quite a way already (look at the fancy progress bar 🙂 (it’s a working title)).

I hope to be ready with a proper story update tomorrow 🙂

A Trip to the Beach

The wind blows in from the sea right though my jacket and I shiver. My toes are frozen and I am sure they might break. The sand is grey and hard as stone. The mostly yellow snow is smudged all over it.

Stupid dogs peeing everywhere.

Stupid everyone.

Especially Bacon.

No, especially mother. Who else would go to the beach in January?

Pokémon (or High Expectations)

Houndour looks something like this.

‘Go, Houndour! I choose you!’

Bacon looks up at me and wags his black tail. He snorts through his upturned nose.

‘I said go!’ I point to the root of the tree where the neighbour’s cat was a few moments ago.

Bacon looks the way my finger points then sits down tongue lolling.

‘What’s the matter with you? I thought cats were supposed to be dogs’ mortal enemies or something.’

Bacon scratches himself vigorously behind the ear tongue still hanging out.

‘Perhaps I should have said Lickitung. You look more like Lickitung than Houndour.’

Lickitung looks something like this.

Bacon wags his tail.

‘That’s nothing to be proud of!’

But Bacon wags and wags and wags.

Bacon looks very much like this.

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