Smug Pine


(Credit: hpgruesen from pixabay)


During summer they

Laughed at my prickly needles.

But who’s laughing now?




Uranus. The butt of many jokes. Credit: NASA


Father of titans

What would you say if you knew

Of all the butt-jokes?




(Jupiter with its Great Red Spot; a storm which has been continually observed since 1830. Credit: NASA)


Some storm we’re having.

Maybe it’ll improve during

The next century


Hot Venus


(Cloud structure in the Venusian atmosphere. Credit: NASA)


Wrapped in sulphur clouds

You are the hottest planet.

May we visit you?



“Plans have been proposed for rovers or more complex missions, but they are hindered by Venus’s hostile surface conditions.” Wikipedia.

Important Announcement!

The Glow Cloud is coming.


All hail The Glow Cloud!

Try The Void!

sales pitch


From the void I come, bringing gifts of forgetfulness.

If your eyes have seen things, you wish they had not, throw them in the void!

Throw your painful recollections in the void, I mean. It is much better than a vault. Put your memories in a vault and they might return someday, the vault might leak or be destroyed by meddling pests, but throw something in the void and it’s gone forever.

And it will never fill up!

Throw in anything, your high school years, the death of your sibling, last Christmas, the song too if you want, and the void will remain as empty as when you first stared into it.

And what will it cost you?


That is, there will be a hole of nothing where your discarded memory was, and you might feel it tugging once in a while, especially on lonely nights.

Just remember, you can dispose of anything in the void,

physical things included.


(Credit: Fazboggle from

Water Park

(Credit: LTM, Elena Krauße)

(Credit: LTM, Elena Krauße)

He had to admit that this was probably not the best water park in the galaxy. In fact, it probably wasn’t a water park at all. His ship had said that this planet was 71 percent water, but this place was mainly just sand and scorching heat. There was barely any moisture in the air.

He slid down a dune in the hope of getting some fun out of his visit, but the sand got into his trousers and made him all itchy. When he met some of the locals, he convinced them that building a water park would be a good idea. He was not sure whether they got the details, but they seemed enthusiastic about his drawings. However, after six months, they were still only laying the foundation of limestone for a support for one of the slides, so he took a quick dip in a large river and went home.

An Explanation


”There is a rational explanation for everything,” says the sock puppet. The brown yarn above its button eyes is supposed to resemble my hair, but all in all it is a less than flattering portrait. “You’re just a big fat cheat,” it sneers.

“There is an explanation,” I say, “it’s probably…” I rack my brains as Tiffany closes the puppet’s mouth and opens her own.

“There is nothing above us but clear sky,” she says, “there’s nothing below us but air and then rocky mountain path, there’s no wind, and we can turn about 360 degrees in any direction, but we can’t get down.”

“It could still be some sort of virtual reality,” I say, “or a dream.”

“Really?” says Tiffany.

“Ok, so what if it is magic,” I say, “that’s still just science, we don’t know how to explain yet.”

“That’s still just science,” the puppet says with a high squeaky voice.

“Could you put that thing away?” I say, “we need to think of a way down from here.”

“You should probably just apologize to that old witch lady.”

“Not a chance.”

“I knew you’d say that. And I know you mean it.” Tiffany sighs and lowers the puppet and we both gently float to the ground. “I don’t mind your points of view, but you’re always a dick about them. I’ll go for a hike on my own, somewhere else.” She jumps into the sky and flies off into the sunset before I can ask her how she did it.

Alien Cookies

Alien eye

One BIG eye, staring at me.

I didn’t say anything. I remember the thought crossing my mind that I hoped she wasn’t here for anal probing. Or he. I have no idea what alien sexes are supposed to look like. I don’t even know whether their species has sexes. But I’m going to call her she, because she had these long eyelashes around her eye and large red lips under her eye stalk.

I think I was in some sort of shock. I mean, I’ve walked home over the field a thousand times before, but never before had I found myself face to eye with an alien. And it was so sudden. I might have been in my own thoughts, but without a sound, she was just suddenly there, holding out a baking pan with cookies towards me.

I blinked, wondering whether it would make any sense for me to ask her whether she was offering me cookies. She held out the baking pan further towards me. I took one, only slightly distracted by small rat-like heads looking at me from the pocket in her red spotted apron. The cookie smelled sugary. I couldn’t recognise the darker spots in its brown matter. I thought it might be chocolate or raisins. Then the thought struck me that it might be something else entirely. What if it was poison? She seemed friendly, but how would an alien know what a human can eat? I swallowed and looked into her large eye, studied the blood vessels. She looked expectant. But again, I had no idea. I still haven’t. It might have been her way of saying that she hates me.

I nibbled at the cookie and sugary sweetness burst into me. Oh, if you ever get the chance to eat a cookie like that, don’t miss it. It’s like hot chocolate when a storm is shaking the roof and rain is splashing against the windows, it’s like an unexpected kiss from that crush you’ve had all year, then it’s like floating into a kingdom made of clouds and half sleeping through an unknown number of days.

Then I woke up under a bush. The sun was high in the sky. I rolled onto my side with a groan and after gathering my strength for maybe an hour, I struggled to my feet. I felt dizzy as I made my way home. Dizzy and shaky, and my butt was sore and I really, REALLY wanted another cookie.

65 Horror

“A disembodied hand crawled across the street, as behind it zombies in skimpy nurse uniforms turned their unseeing eyes towards me. If only I had not showered that day, but the fresh fruity scent of my hair drew them right to me. Such cruel irony; you know I have always dreamed to die by being torn apart by sexy nurses or policewomen, but although the nurse uniforms were revealing, the zombies were not at all sexy on account of their rotting flesh. And I’m not into males, zombies or no. Oh the horror! The unspeakable horror!”

“You could have just said that you didn’t have time for a shower this morning,” I said.

“When the zombie apocalypse comes, you will wish that you too smelled of dead rat,” he pointed an accusing finger at me.

“Sure,” I put in my nose plugs, “let’s get this over with.”

And we drove up to the lake to dump our failed virus experiment.

%d bloggers like this: