You don’t seem to realise that there is a war between us. I’ve considered telling you of course, but I’m worried it might damage my chances of winning.
I keep you unbalanced with my capriciousness and make sure to forget your birthday unless I’ve found something you hate; I know you’re too polite to refuse a gift. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve insinuated that your weight is above average. When our colleagues are around I am always very careful, and I make sure to make them like me more than they like you. With my allies and my cunning I’m certain to get back at you someday.
Someday I’ll get back at you for saying “irregardless”.
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